7 months ago I found myself in a really dark place I never expected to be. I had been waiting for my beautiful baby girl to arrive and she came and was amazing. The first few days in the hospital were bliss and everything was going great. "I got this two kid thing!" I remember thinking to myself.
Rewind
3 years prior, my first child was so good and I was so happy and I had
support and no responsibilities so I think my expectations of my second
child were that this baby would be good and I knew what I was doing so I
definitely felt confident that everything would be unicorns and
rainbows!
Well
it wasn't. Miss Fiona was a struggle. She cried a lot. She cried all
the time. I would rock her, swing her, hold her in both hands and go in
circular motions, we bought a swing, we tried two different brands of
gas drops, ibuprofen, swaddling tighter, swaddling looser, no swaddle, I
nursed her constantly because that seemed to be the only thing keeping
her somewhat happy. Her doctor was confident she was getting enough so
that wasn't it. I took her to a chiropractor, a foot zoner, her
pediatrician, grandmas house. No one seemed to know what was going on.
On top of that my husband was incredibly swamped at work and had many
late nights and early mornings so he wasn't able to help in the middle
of the night and in the middle of the day when I struggled the most with
her.
In
the midst of desperately struggling to figure her out I went to some
really dark places of doubt as a mother and wife. I didn't see the point
of me being around anymore and started to fantasize about how I would
leave the world. Maybe I would get lucky and be in a car accident? Maybe
I would get sick from all the bleeding and uncomfortable post birth
symptoms I was going through and it would take me. Maybe our cabin would
be invaded and they would shoot only me and leave the rest of my family
alone? Ridiculous, right?
It
wasn't until I started having more intentional thoughts that I realized
I needed help. Maybe I'll just drive myself off this cliff? Maybe I'll
jump in the freezing river and drown? The night I remembered my husbands
gun was in the safe on my side of the bed, was the night I finally
decided I needed to tell him what was going on. He was very concerned
and even tho he could not get out of work he made sure someone was with
me all the next day until he got home and he encouraged me to talk to my
doctor about it.
As
the days went on things did get a little lighter. We figured out that
Fiona didn't like to be held all the time and loved to be flat on her
back on the floor. That made a huge difference in her temperament. I
wasn't having as dark of thoughts but I still wasn't connecting with her
even though that's what other people say happens when they breastfeed. I wasn't enjoying breastfeeding and still felt alone.
One
day when Fiona was about a month and a half old I was on Instagram and
my friend was telling everyone about a new company she just joined that
promoted inner beauty and bringing out your natural beauty on the
outside with makeup. A brand new direct sales company. Before she even
said what the company was I knew it was something I needed to be a part
of. Then she changed my life when she said it was Maskcara Beauty.
I
knew about Maskcara. A makeup line started by a gorgeous girl named
Cara. I had been following Cara's blog for years and pretty sure
something from her blog popped up every time I opened up Pinterest. I
had tried to try the makeup 2 years ago at Pinners conference but the
line to get color matched was always insane and I never got the chance.
Even
though I had never even tried the makeup I told my friend that I wanted
to be a part of this company immediately! Well she gave me the details
and I found out the kit was $199. Oh dang, I thought, my husband is
never going to support me buying into an mlm for that much. So I decided
to earn the money myself so that wouldn't be an issue. I sold a bunch
of my sons outgrown clothes that were still in good condition and I took
the plunge and bought my kit!
After I had something to be so excited about some crazy things started happening.
I got ready everyday and my confidence level was always higher since I felt more put together.
I started connecting with family and friends to share my new love and I didn't feel alone anymore.
I
had something to work on and the fog of being a new mom, little sleep
and depression started to lift as I put my extra efforts into my
business.
I
now have something that is mine and just for me! I set my own goals and
am in charge of my own success. It's so empowering to know that and to
feel a sense of new accomplishment.
I
started connecting with other women in the Maskcara community (by the
way I can't say enough good things about our artist community! 
So incredibly supportive!) and I was making new friends with other women that had the same goals.
I
reconnected with old friends and got to see girls I hadn't seen in
years so we could hang out and do makeup! These mommy play dates are so
fun! Let the kids play and mom gets a new makeover 
And
now I'm on a girls trip (paid for with my earnings!) with my awesome
team of girls that signed up with me. We are in Vegas for the
Maskcara Launch Party! I haven't had a girls trip in over 4 years!!!
These are only a few of the many blessings I've gained from this new adventure and I can't wait to see what comes next!
I
hope this might help someone else in a dark situation but I know that
everyone is in a different situation and might need more help to get
through the fog. Please please reach out to a spouse, family member or
friend if you are in the darkness. It's nothing to be ashamed of and the
best way to get through it is to let someone know what is going on.
This
new company is based on so many great things and I'm so grateful to be a
part of it in its early stages. Cara is so generous, kind, involved,
smart, and really wants to know what we as artists need.
If you'd love to jump into this amazing opportunity with me just shoot me an email! steffaniewing@gmail.com
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